I can FEEL the magic of a New Year coming


PEACE! (Photo credit: _snapies_)


what just happened? it feels like my HEART just got turned back on, like i’m suddenly set FREE and WILDLY ALIVE.


You are the One Who created all of this. You were not the one Who led me into temptation, but You were the One there with me all the way, whispering encouragement in my ear and my heart. You are PURE LOVE, complete JOY, overwhelming YES-ness. irrational OPTIMISM, impossible BEAUTY, and outrageous LAUGHTER.

i confess that i have been living in the dungeon, afraid of what my 2nd family thinks, going along with many of their judgments and not standing on Your TRUTH. i have been playing small.

THANK YOU for WAKING me up to this simple fact. THANK YOU that You don’t judge, and that You are unconditional loving acceptance. Thank You that You never condemn us, so I can live in FREEDOM, knowing that I am always safe and good and well. THANK YOU for the new life You’re leading us into, for the foster kids we get to love and serve and pray for and be with. thank You for the unity song “Let There Be Peace on Earth” at our old church CA last night. ;)

My request for today is that You would continue to guide me in this path, opening my eyes to the false imprisoning beliefs and habits and judgments that are holding me back from being everything i can be. Please also guard my heart and my mind, keeping me on the track of Eternal-mindedness, not caught up in the physical, visible details of life, but living in the Kingdom, seeing what’s real, experiencing the spiritual realities of love and purpose and relationship (instead of disappointed about physical things or too caught up in what our new apartment looks/smells like, etc.).

i love you. thank You for our new adventure.

Amen. and so it is.

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Why do I pray? Because it WORKS!!!

Abba (Who I understand You to be in my very limited understanding at this time),

Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle... 366/54 F...

Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle… (Photo credit: ConnectIrmeli)

You are the Creator of absolutely everything–all beauty, comedy, nature, magic, love, romance, adventure… You are the animating force behind all life. You are the Lover of my soul, the One Who is always calling to me, always wooing me, always romancing me and waiting for me to notice, to receive, to appreciate the amazing gifts you prepare for me in each and every moment.

I confess that I have missed 99.9% of what You’ve done for me, and that I forget you exist most of the time. I take You for granted. I get caught up in the most ridiculous meaninglessness. I worry about the details instead of trusting you and giving you my sincere requests.

THANK YOU that You forgive me before I even ask You to, that You hold nothing against me, that You shine Your sun on me whether I notice or not, that You are constant and steady and true and faithful and completely independent of anything I do or don’t do. Thank You for this miraculous beautiful life growing inside my belly. Thank You for the extraordinary children You’ve already blessed us with, for how healthy and sweet and honest and truly good they are. Thank You for wisdom and guidance, for this job opportunity with Emancipated Foster Youth at Olive Crest, for the very real possibility that we will be in an apartment home of our own very soon. Thank You for the rain and Christmas season. Thank You for the absolute abundance of Christmas parties and events we’ve been a part of this year, for the community of loved ones surrounding us, and for the hope of our very own Christmas miracle. Thank You for the gift of writing, for Mommy’s Secret Smile, the Bathwater Revival, the SAHMbie movement, and the 12 steps to true change. Thank You for love. Thank You for Ian and that I still like him after almost 12 years and all that we’ve been through. Thank You for movies and the film industry and that we live in California.

My specific requests today include clear guidance about the move to Orange County, and a big THANK YOU for whatever home you have prepared for us for this next year. I also ask You for wisdom and assistance with parenting, so that Ben can be guided into being all he can be, and Elsie can be encouraged to have a more proactive, positive attitude and consistently sweet spirit. May they find inspiration and purpose in their everyday routines and responsibilities. May we bring You glory and love all Your children well. May we fall asleep this evening with a clear conscience and grateful hearts exhausted by the giving and fully living.

Amen! And so it is. ;)

p.s. Thank You for the Prayer Jar being back in my life!

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Thank You for the Unexpected Twists & Turns

Open Window

Open Window (Photo credit: Diego3336)

okay, so we didn’t go to Denver.  At the very last minute.  We were really disappointed for about one breath or possibly even less, because we have learned how ridiculous it is to get attached to any one particular outcome, when a closed door always means an open window (i know it’s trite, but oh so true!).  we knew it just meant there was something even better for us, which we would have missed out on had we gone to Denver.  Ooh, the intrigue!

we did go raw, and this is day 23 for me (day 4 for Ian–it took him a bit before he was ready to jump on board).  and THAT led to all kinds of unexpected bonuses, like a “GLOW” people comment on seeing in me (no, we’re not pregnant), which has me feeling so good that I’ve actually been submitting myself, auditioning, and BOOKING modeling gigs again after all these years.  (!!!!!)  so fun.

Thank You also that I’m 5’7″, which really does feel like the perfect height.  able to reach the dishes on the top shelf, but not feel awkwardly taller than everyone else.

thank You for our free kids yoga class at Lululemon, which the kids and I both adore, and for our adorable teacher Denise.  Thank You for our new friends Miki + John and their daughter Aria, Ben’s new love.

Thank You for the Reptile Super Show this weekend, for all the snakes and lizards Ben got to hold, and for the “jiggle” from Gramma that allowed us to get into the show AND still be able to buy groceries for the week.

thank You that Ian has finally decided to join me on the raw thing, and for how CALM we are feeling, how clear and peaceful.  And how youthful we’re both looking and feeling.

thank You that Ian is playing music again, writing songs, and resurrecting old favorites like “One Day at a Time.”  Thank You for wherever his music career is headed, and that he feels like he is living in his Zone of Genius.

Thank You for Daniel Pinchbeck’s Toward 2012 and its concepts of integrating the shadow, dissolving opposites, and becoming the wounded healer.

thank You for the amazingly delicious FIGS you’ve so generously poured into our lives to keep us full without spending a dime!  we are so so lucky.

Fig Snack

Fig Snack (Photo credit: libraryman)

thank You for BREATH.  for big puffy clouds, playing with my kids at safe beautiful parks that we don’t have to maintain, and for delicious fresh food we didn’t have to farm.  we are truly rich.

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THANK YOU!!! for the guidance, the goodness, and the giving poem

Denver Nightscape

Denver Nightscape (Photo credit: dagpeak)

we’re headed to COLORADO!  going to do a 40-day semi-fast and documentary with family

thank You thank You thank You, Abba!  we’re finally on the move again!!

thank You for Michael, Emily, and Hannah, for fun family dance parties

thank You for this adventure!  i can’t wait to see where it will lead!

thank You that i finally created our family newsletter/blog (and thank you for my one-of-a-kind generous loving faithful papa, whose birthday finally motivated me to move from planning to publishing), and thank you that i’m finally really producing–both ben’s show and the family rawcumentary!

thank You for everything that i know will come of this 40-day period, and for all the things i can’t even imagine yet that will come of it

thank You for the amazing deal we’re getting on our rental car to drive out to Aurora, and for free community accommodations while we’re there

and finally, thank you for this beautiful poem:

I prayed for great things, gave the small;

I prayed–no answer to my call.

i prayed that i may GIVE great things:

My prayer was heard; on airy wings

There came to me from God’s own hand

My heart’s supply, my soul’s demand.

-Margaret Olive Jordan

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where to? HELP! guidance, a clue, OPEN OUR EYES!

hi, Abba.  thank You thank You thank You that You have brought us to the tipping point once again, and that You will see us through.


thank you for directions & decisions & the free will to follow them! (Photo credit: bupowski)

thank You that You already know exactly where we’re going, You’ve prepared a place for us, and we’re right where we’re meant to be.

Your timing is always perfect.

Thank You for leading us.  Thank you for our new life.  Thank You for this transition time, this mystery, this adventure.

Thank You for the heart-focused breathing technique that is keeping me sane.  thank You thank You thank You.

and thank You for Ben’s new tiny baby lizard and the adorable “best day ever” song he made up about it this morning. ;)

even in the midst of chaos, life is good.

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happy INDEPENDENCE day!!!

thank You, thank You, thank You, Abba.  thank You thank You thank You!!!!


free to be me!!!

for Independence Day–an opportunity every single year for us to spend a whole day remembering that you created us to be INDEPENDENT.  to be our own powerhouse, our own highest Authority under You and no one else.  to use the FREE will You created us with.

for FREE will!!!  what an extraordinary gift.

for gradually waking me up to the awareness of what free will really is and how to use it for the betterment of mankind (and myself in the process)

for my amazing, beautiful, magical munchkins and how perfect they are.  thank You for blessing me with the gift of motherhood and for the awareness that it IS a gift + a privilege + an honor.

for bringing me back into the blogging empire this morning, and for bringing me into this NEW FORMAT for praying + journalling together–ONLY GRATITUDE.

for the POWER of gratitude + the amazing changes i know it can’t help but bring about, changes i can’t even fathom right now.

for the books You’ve led me to over the years that have ingrained in me that power.

for mac computers, wireless internet, and the very existence of the Internet itself, free and easy-to-use sites like wordpress, the alphabet and written language, my keyboarding class in high school, and all the other things that went into my being able to share this prayer with the world today.

for loving me even when i’m anything but lovable.  for universal unconditional love.  for teaching me every day a little bit more what that means and making me more like You every day, even if i can’t see the change.

for my heart and for leading me to the inner ease technique and heart-breathing exercises that have made such a difference in my life these past few weeks.

thank You thank You thank You.  i love You.

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the incredible power of FOCUS

Reproduction of an opthalmic eye chart.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This comes from Dr. Cindy Trimm:

The Incredible Power of Focus

And the LORD said unto Abram, after that Lot was separated from him, “Lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward: For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed for ever.”—Genesis 13:14-15

The number one thing that stops people from getting what they want in life is the lack of focus. The number one thing that keeps people in realizing their goals, maximizing their potential, fulfilling their God-given assignments and purpose is focus. Wherever you place your focus, the rest of your mind, talents, abilities and emotions will follow.

Let me give you an example of what I mean from the world of race car driving. As I understand it, when new drivers are learning how to race, one of the very first things they are taught is—what to focus on when they go into a spin. If they try to avoid hitting the wall, they usually wind up hitting it. Why? Because avoiding the wall means they have to focus on the wall. So, instead, they are taught to focus on—where they want to go. In this way, they have a better chance of avoiding the wall and successfully getting out of the spin.

Let me give you another example. When I was a young girl, I studied ballet. When pirouetting, I was trained to “spot” or focus on a particular place/spot where we needed to end our spin (a pirouette is a 360° spin for non-ballet enthusiasts). In both cases, focus is the key to success. Sometimes our lives can spin out of control, like a race car driver and a ballerina in a pirouette. It is the focus that gets us out.

People who focus on what they want get exactly what they want. People who focus on problems, hurdles, walls and obstacles will go through life with problems, hurdles, walls and obstacles. It’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened to you in the past that determines who you become. Rather, it is your focus upon it. It is the meaning and significance that you give to every occurrence that determines its weight and effect upon your life.

Focus on Your Dreams, Goals and Vision

Whatever you focus on today, you give that thing permission to exist tomorrow. Focus on your dreams, goals and vision. Focus on where you want to be, not where you came from. Focus on what you expect to acquire and what you wish to do, and not on what you do not have or what you have not done. Focus on your healing and not your sickness. Focus on your deliverance and not your detrimental situations. Focus on what remains and not what you have lost. Focus on wearing that size 7 skinny jeans and not on how much weight you have gained.

Dream about how different your life can be, then wake up and focus on making it happen so that you can live the life of your dreams. Think about it only enough to formulate a plan and then put feet to that plan and make it happen. Contemplate it long enough so that your faith becomes the driving force of your focus. Talk about it long enough so that you motivate yourself to act.

Focus makes your faith unshakable. Focus eliminates distractions. Focus is quintessential to discipline, which is always the precursor to success and prosperity. If you do not expect to see something in your future, do not focus on it today. Train your mind to focus on the positive, and you will always have positive outcomes.

I want to encourage you with Philippians 4:7-8: And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think (focus) on these things.

Do not allow the enemy to break your focus. Like God said to Abraham, “I say to you, whatever you see, you will seize.”

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