From God’s P.O.V.

Abba, You did it! Of course You did! You are hilarious and perfect. Completely holy and true. Never ceasing, never resting, never giving up. You fill us up with Your love and energy and wait ever-so-patiently while we get distracted and wander off. You’re always waiting, always ready, always in love with us. Your love is stronger than any mistake or offense we could ever make, because Your perspective is so much higher. You’re above the labyrinth, with a full view of the beginning and the end and full awareness of our weaknesses and histories. You understand me a million times better than I could ever understand myself, and You judge none of it. You see Your own Son’s flawless record and personality when You look at me, and that is pure amazingness. You absolutely rock, and you rock my world.

I confess that I have not done a very good job with the little things, much less with this entire planet that You’ve entrusted to me. I confess that until extremely recently, I didn’t even realize or acknowledge that You’d even given me dominion over much of anything, much less this gorgeous incredible part of the galaxy. And I confess that I know very little about how to take care of it. I spent most of my time trying to figure out how to get more stuff or approval instead of taking care of what I already owned! I also confess that I’ve made a disaster of a lot of the hearts that were in my care, from my children to friends that I once knew. I confess that I’ve been ignoring or shrugging off the breadcrumbs instead of following them into the adventure You prepared for me.

THANK YOU that You continue to bless me anyway! Thank You for being patient and holding out and continuing to send me signals and messages and breadcrumbs. THANK YOU that the Internet is/was working this morning, so I may not have to go to Coffee Bean to send my video for the Art of Money Mastermind group this morning! (Though I’m still open to going, and the connection already dropped off again since I started writing this! ;)) THANK YOU for the changes and growth you’ve worked in me this summer, so that I’m now the kind of person who STARTS mastermind groups, let alone is capable of joining one and showing up for it. THANK YOU for the possibilities that this group makes possible, and for the financial healing and training on its way over this next month and year. SO exciting. Thank You for all the other people who will get to benefit from what I learn during the program and pass on. And THANK YOU for the fantastically delicious vision You gave me last night for how to tie so many of my desires together and take my girlfriends with me on a paid trip to Hawaii to bless our husbands, families, and wider audience with our training for + performance of The Hula Dolls. So ridiculously fun.

Please continue to strengthen the tribe around us, so that we have a place to clearly share our gifts and offer our friendship. Please continue to make me a great friend, like Jonathan was to David. Please help me organize my schedule to make room for all the important things, like training in parenting skills (so that I can help Elsie get through this rough time and back to a place of emotional strength), finishing my creative projects, keeping our household in order, AND finding a way to bring in some INCOME! :) You are amazing and perfect and I’m so thankful for this time we’ve had without income, so that we will appreciate it all the more and be able to minister to other income-less or just plain poor children of Yours. For we are ALL Your beloved children. Please give me Your eyes and heart as we head back to the Manna Room today to receive Your blessing and to offer Your love to the other wounded souls there.

In Jesus’ beautiful name I pray,

Amen! :

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Sucked Back into the Vortex——-Help!

Abba, Light, Love,

Good morning to the Maker of all this magic. You didn’t sleep a wink last night or ever, because You never need a pause. The everlasting Almighty Master Creator, infinitely beyond all I can comprehend or even imagine. Greater than all the galaxies combined. Your sense of humor is out of this world, and Your ability to see the best in everything is unlimited. There is nothing You can’t redeem, nothing You can’t use for Your own glory. You are busily setting everything right all the time, patiently and gently guiding the course of history and calling our hearts back to You.

I confess that my heart strays so far. I am an expert at image management. I spin everything to make myself look good, to make others look bad, to make life go the way I want it to. I play judge; I play God. And I am so infinitely far from being capable, qualified, or worthy of that position. Who am I? What do I know? Nothing! I confess that I let so many ridiculously less-wild and less-fulfilling lovers steal my attention away from You. I use food to numb the boredom I feel in my life instead of turning to You and allowing You to call me into Your grand adventure. I want to want You more. Above all. Fiercely. I confess that yesterday after I felt so ablaze for you, I checked my Facebook account and the news that the mastermind group wanted me to lead them completely sucked me back into that vortex. I confess that I don’t know how to balance my life in the world and my responsibilities there with my life lived for You and with You.

Thank You that You are not baffled by this problem. Thank You for Who You are in Your infinite wisdom. Thank You that You are guiding me, shaping me, and that You will continue the good work You’ve begun in me. Thank You for Your patience and love. Thank You for my amazing family. Thank You for smoothing things over with Gramma yesterday. Thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for the Manna Room and the delicious free meals You provide for so many. Thank You for the help I know is coming for my husband and his struggles to get work and provide for our family. Thank You for Your infinite abundance available to us, and thank You that You are teaching us how to tap into that and stay connected to You as our Source. THANK YOU for the prayer time Linda and I are going to have this afternoon, and for Your incredible power coming into our lives to disrupt life-as-usual and set our life in a new Heaven-focused direction.

Please guide us in our businesses–what to do or even if to do them at all. They take up so much of our time and attention, so if they are unnecessary, please make that clear. And if there’s some way to make them more about You, please make that obvious also. Please give me wisdom as to how to connect with Elizabeth and parent her in a way that brings her to life and heals her pain and helps her to become all she can be. Please heal the brokenhearted all over the planet and awaken all hearts to do what needs to be done to speed the coming of Your Kingdom. May Your will be done today, Abba. And today, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasant to You, my Rock and my Redeemer. THANK YOU!

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On Fire for You and Your Kingdom

Abba, You’re all that matters. None of the rest of this is even real. It’s like a dream. But when we all wake up from this dream, You’ll be there waiting with open arms. You are infinitely loving and patient and kind. Fiercer than a thousand hurricanes, yet as gentle as a feather floating in silence. Every cell of my body screams your name. You energize me. You created energy! You are the author of brilliance, the artist who created beauty, the One who invented nature. You are above all and in all. In my heart, the air around me, the oxygen in my lungs. There is nowhere You are not, and nothing I can do to make You stop loving me. You just won’t ever go away. Somehow won’t ever get tired of me, no matter what I do or how I act or how bristly and irritable I am. You are simply amazing.

I confess that I live 99% of my day in complete ignorance of You. I get so caught up in the ridiculousness. I get petty and self-serving and try to manipulate everything so that I get more creature comforts and people like me more. Then I get disgusted with myself and spend even more time obsessing about myself. I think of You, praise You, and glorify You so very little. While my heart’s desire is to magnify you, my flesh is the one I feed the most, and it desires to magnify itself and belittle You. Horrors! I never want to belittle You! Take it away, Abba! Take this tendency away! I lay my flesh at Your feet. Kill it off! Be done with it! Don’t let me spend one more day in that horrible life. I confess my habit of image management, self-preservation, and trying hard to provide for myself and my family, obsessing about business and money instead of trusting You to guide us, or connecting with You so that I can access the limitless abundance that You are. Jesus didn’t try to create a new business in order to pay His taxes; You told Him where to find the money He needed.

THANK YOU that You have promised that if we confess our sins, You will forgive us and cleanse us from all corruption. Yes yes YES!!! Thank You for Your mercy and grace. Thank You for Your absolutely overflowing bottomless abundance available to us. Thank You for waking me up to the fact that I don’t have to work to earn it. Thank You that You will show me both how to connect to You and the highest & best use of my remaining time here on earth so that I don’t need to waste one more day. Thank you for my heart on fire for YOU and not just excited about some human plan I’ve concocted to promote myself. Thank you for my absolutely priceless family. Thank You for the opportunity to pray together. Thank You that we live in freedom in America. Thank You for Your Word and the Internet and free access to brilliant teachings and believers around the globe. Thank You that Your Kingdom is coming with power. Thank You for radical hope, not attached to the things of man, but holding out with confidence for what You have promised.

Please guide me in the best way to teach my children to glorify You and live for You and not get sucked into the world’s vortex. Please pull us out of the madness to teach us and train us and transform us, so that You can send us back in as Your avatars, filled with Your Spirit and performing Your will. Make us Your hands and feet. Please teach me the best practices to stay alert and oriented and focused on Your will and not my own. Please take the desire for my own self-serving (but cleverly disguised as others-serving) career away, and help me to notice right away when I’ve gotten sucked back into the world’s ever-so-tempting success vortex. Please send me a mentor/spiritual director who can speak directly into the specifics of my life. THANK YOU!!!

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Breaking Through to Clarity

Abba, Light, Love, Creator of All Things,

You are the One Who keeps my heart beating. You give me hope to carry on when all seems lost. You love me even when I’m an absolute mess. You invented the idea of beauty, laughter, romance, and adventure. You’re bigger than the universe and present within every cell of my body. You fill every space with Your incredible energy and love and fire.

I confess that I live most of the day with complete ignorance. Unaware of Your presence. Unfocused. Distracted by 10,000 things. Self-obsessed. Worried about my own little needs and comforts and slights and wants. I confess that I don’t live like a citizen of Heaven at all. I confess that I pass judgment on and find fault with Your sweet children. That I even hate and despise some of them sometimes. I confess that I can be extremely negative and mean.

THANK YOU that You break through all of that. Thank You that You answer prayer in Your time. Thank you that I woke up this morning totally getting what it is that I want to launch–even though it seems like such a selfish venture, I know that You are involved. I knew in that early morning pure energy when I sat up and looked at the clock at 5:02 and suddenly got it–and it felt so much more like a remembering. Like all this time I’d been waiting for an answer that I already knew! I mean, it’s right there in my list of “why’s” and I somehow didn’t see it. Thank You for reminding me that what I’m launching isn’t a coaching service people will pay me for so much as a VIDEO HOSTING CAREER. That’s what I’ve been wanting to do since I was 5! Thank You for allowing me to do that. Thank you for my amazing family and my magical children. Thank You for Ian and our friendship and marriage. Thank You for his support and his practical side, which often comes across as a Threshold Guardian–as in, “Are you sure you want this, Amanda?” :)

Please PLEASE guide and shape this venture. Keep me on a short leash, Abba, so I don’t run off on any tangents or get sucked into any distracted, self-obsessed eddies and miss the flow of Life. THANK YOU!!! Please keep me on my knees in gratitude. Please bring me the support tribe I need and with whom I can reciprocate and support in their projects. Please open Ian’s eyes to see exactly what his path and next steps are. Please shower us with Your favor and grace today. Give me the grace to be loving and compassionate with Gramma–downright in love with her and aware of her adorable-ness–and gentle and nurturing with my amazing children. And strong and loving with Ian. And helpful and inspiring to the other moms at park day. May we find fantastic friends and build our tribe. And may all our ventures–including this video career–magnify and glorify YOU.

In Jesus’ name and by the power of His blood, Amen! :)

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I can FEEL the magic of a New Year coming


PEACE! (Photo credit: _snapies_)


what just happened? it feels like my HEART just got turned back on, like i’m suddenly set FREE and WILDLY ALIVE.


You are the One Who created all of this. You were not the one Who led me into temptation, but You were the One there with me all the way, whispering encouragement in my ear and my heart. You are PURE LOVE, complete JOY, overwhelming YES-ness. irrational OPTIMISM, impossible BEAUTY, and outrageous LAUGHTER.

i confess that i have been living in the dungeon, afraid of what my 2nd family thinks, going along with many of their judgments and not standing on Your TRUTH. i have been playing small.

THANK YOU for WAKING me up to this simple fact. THANK YOU that You don’t judge, and that You are unconditional loving acceptance. Thank You that You never condemn us, so I can live in FREEDOM, knowing that I am always safe and good and well. THANK YOU for the new life You’re leading us into, for the foster kids we get to love and serve and pray for and be with. thank You for the unity song “Let There Be Peace on Earth” at our old church CA last night. ;)

My request for today is that You would continue to guide me in this path, opening my eyes to the false imprisoning beliefs and habits and judgments that are holding me back from being everything i can be. Please also guard my heart and my mind, keeping me on the track of Eternal-mindedness, not caught up in the physical, visible details of life, but living in the Kingdom, seeing what’s real, experiencing the spiritual realities of love and purpose and relationship (instead of disappointed about physical things or too caught up in what our new apartment looks/smells like, etc.).

i love you. thank You for our new adventure.

Amen. and so it is.

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Why do I pray? Because it WORKS!!!

Abba (Who I understand You to be in my very limited understanding at this time),

Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle... 366/54 F...

Gratitude, like faith, is a muscle… (Photo credit: ConnectIrmeli)

You are the Creator of absolutely everything–all beauty, comedy, nature, magic, love, romance, adventure… You are the animating force behind all life. You are the Lover of my soul, the One Who is always calling to me, always wooing me, always romancing me and waiting for me to notice, to receive, to appreciate the amazing gifts you prepare for me in each and every moment.

I confess that I have missed 99.9% of what You’ve done for me, and that I forget you exist most of the time. I take You for granted. I get caught up in the most ridiculous meaninglessness. I worry about the details instead of trusting you and giving you my sincere requests.

THANK YOU that You forgive me before I even ask You to, that You hold nothing against me, that You shine Your sun on me whether I notice or not, that You are constant and steady and true and faithful and completely independent of anything I do or don’t do. Thank You for this miraculous beautiful life growing inside my belly. Thank You for the extraordinary children You’ve already blessed us with, for how healthy and sweet and honest and truly good they are. Thank You for wisdom and guidance, for this job opportunity with Emancipated Foster Youth at Olive Crest, for the very real possibility that we will be in an apartment home of our own very soon. Thank You for the rain and Christmas season. Thank You for the absolute abundance of Christmas parties and events we’ve been a part of this year, for the community of loved ones surrounding us, and for the hope of our very own Christmas miracle. Thank You for the gift of writing, for Mommy’s Secret Smile, the Bathwater Revival, the SAHMbie movement, and the 12 steps to true change. Thank You for love. Thank You for Ian and that I still like him after almost 12 years and all that we’ve been through. Thank You for movies and the film industry and that we live in California.

My specific requests today include clear guidance about the move to Orange County, and a big THANK YOU for whatever home you have prepared for us for this next year. I also ask You for wisdom and assistance with parenting, so that Ben can be guided into being all he can be, and Elsie can be encouraged to have a more proactive, positive attitude and consistently sweet spirit. May they find inspiration and purpose in their everyday routines and responsibilities. May we bring You glory and love all Your children well. May we fall asleep this evening with a clear conscience and grateful hearts exhausted by the giving and fully living.

Amen! And so it is. ;)

p.s. Thank You for the Prayer Jar being back in my life!

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Thank You for the Unexpected Twists & Turns

Open Window

Open Window (Photo credit: Diego3336)

okay, so we didn’t go to Denver.  At the very last minute.  We were really disappointed for about one breath or possibly even less, because we have learned how ridiculous it is to get attached to any one particular outcome, when a closed door always means an open window (i know it’s trite, but oh so true!).  we knew it just meant there was something even better for us, which we would have missed out on had we gone to Denver.  Ooh, the intrigue!

we did go raw, and this is day 23 for me (day 4 for Ian–it took him a bit before he was ready to jump on board).  and THAT led to all kinds of unexpected bonuses, like a “GLOW” people comment on seeing in me (no, we’re not pregnant), which has me feeling so good that I’ve actually been submitting myself, auditioning, and BOOKING modeling gigs again after all these years.  (!!!!!)  so fun.

Thank You also that I’m 5’7″, which really does feel like the perfect height.  able to reach the dishes on the top shelf, but not feel awkwardly taller than everyone else.

thank You for our free kids yoga class at Lululemon, which the kids and I both adore, and for our adorable teacher Denise.  Thank You for our new friends Miki + John and their daughter Aria, Ben’s new love.

Thank You for the Reptile Super Show this weekend, for all the snakes and lizards Ben got to hold, and for the “jiggle” from Gramma that allowed us to get into the show AND still be able to buy groceries for the week.

thank You that Ian has finally decided to join me on the raw thing, and for how CALM we are feeling, how clear and peaceful.  And how youthful we’re both looking and feeling.

thank You that Ian is playing music again, writing songs, and resurrecting old favorites like “One Day at a Time.”  Thank You for wherever his music career is headed, and that he feels like he is living in his Zone of Genius.

Thank You for Daniel Pinchbeck’s Toward 2012 and its concepts of integrating the shadow, dissolving opposites, and becoming the wounded healer.

thank You for the amazingly delicious FIGS you’ve so generously poured into our lives to keep us full without spending a dime!  we are so so lucky.

Fig Snack

Fig Snack (Photo credit: libraryman)

thank You for BREATH.  for big puffy clouds, playing with my kids at safe beautiful parks that we don’t have to maintain, and for delicious fresh food we didn’t have to farm.  we are truly rich.

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