Rogue Warrior (Prayer Warrior, that is)

Good Morning, Mr. Abba!

You are God! You are beyond comprehension. You are eternal and forever and everywhere and all-knowing. You are the One Who created all this. You invented the idea of Life itself. You invented human beings and all animals. There’s nothing You don’t understand, nothing that confuses You, nothing that You take personally. You love all of us, all the time. You ARE love. You forgive everything. You understand that we don’t know what we’re doing, so You don’t hold a grudge. You offer all of us grace and mercy and a chance to try again. You never grow old, but always maintain a childlike optimism.

I confess that I am self-obsessed and “success”-obsessed. My idea of success is ridiculously small and earth-bound. I spend almost no time in prayer, when I know very well it’s the most important thing I do all day. I confess that while I know I have the power to actually help the people in my life and to make a difference and to potentially heal their relationships, I don’t take the time to do it. That’s disgusting.

Thank You that You’ve brought this to my attention. Thank You that You are patient and not angry. Thank You that You will help me to remedy this situation and make the time to pray for my loved ones. To rescue those being led away to slaughter. To take my spiritual power and calling seriously. To live as if Heaven is even more real than earth. To live as an ambassador of Your Kingdom. Thank You for my beautiful family and friends. Thank You for the Manna Room and CalWorks and the breakthrough You worked in me to be able to be honest and vulnerable and reach out to ask for and receive help. Thank You for the compassion and empathy this period of poverty has created in me.

I ask that You would bring a spiritual mentor into my life who can help me stay on track with prayer and help me take that part of my life seriously. Please speak to my husband and give him a clear vision for our future and for how best to be spending our time now. Please give him strength and courage and mentors and friends who speak into his life. Please also give me a circle of girlfriends who can do the same for me. And a community circle for our family–other families we can do life with. Please cut the fat off of my “work” time and give me a laser-focus to get done the essentials every day. Please provide the work that will enable us to get a home of our own here or elsewhere. A home where we can bless others by hosting them for meals, workshops, or even weekends and week-long vacations. Thank You!

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!!

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In This World as an Ambassador of Your World

Abba, You are the Creator of everything on earth and in outer space. You invented humans, mountains, oceans, planets, creatures, water, light, energy, and emotions. There is nothing You can’t do, nothing You don’t know.

I confess that I’m a mess. I want You and only You in the morning and the evening. You’re the bookends of my day. But all day long, I think of nothing but earth and business and “success.”

Thank You that You can overcome this divide. You can build a bridge and network of connections to bring the two worlds together. So that I can be IN the world while OF Your World.

Please make this happen today. Bring Your World into my daily grind. Remind me of You during the day. Show me how I can integrate the spiritual disciplines into my secular business day. Remind me that nothing is secular. Teach me what it means to be an ambassador of Heaven when I’ve never actually been there!

I love You. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen!

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Desire to Be a Discipline Junkie

Abba, You are so much bigger than my tiny little human “problems.” And You are massively more powerful and awesome than even the most outrageously over-the-top human success possible. Your ways are so far beyond our comprehension. Your Kingdom is not just a better version of earth, but infinitely and exponentially, radically and ridiculously, completely incomprehensibly different and better and more amazing. You shower us with beautiful hand-picked gifts. You surround us with intense beauty. You are the beginning and the end. The Alpha species. The ultimate. Brighter than the sun. Bigger than the hugest planet. More magnificent than anything I could ever imagine. And you’re right here with me right this second.

I confess that I am such a dumb human. So clueless. So tuned out to things of the spirit. So caught up in the absurdly tiny and unimportant details of life on planet earth. My mind is set on things below. Even when I try my hardest to focus on things above, all the years of habit make it virtually impossible. I can’t even fathom things above. I confess that my “wildest dreams come true” are just so shallow and silly when I remember You and Your purposes. I confess that I walk right past your lost and hurting children every day and don’t even notice them, much less drop everything and do whatever it takes to help them find their way back to You. I confess that the situation just seems too big for me–which of course it is, and that’s why You’re not asking me to do it on my own power. But I confess that the work of learning how to focus on You and fulfill Your commission is just too overwhelming to me, so I just keep on with my piddly little to-do lists and building my own empire.

THANK YOU that You will not leave us in this state forever. Thank You that You are bringing prophets, teachers, and spiritual directors into our lives. Thank You that I am even drawn to spiritual disciplines in the first place. Thank You that You can help me become a Discipline Junkie WITHOUT becoming creepy and cultish. Thank You that I have another day today to live for You. Thank You for my incredible children and husband. Thank You for Gramma’s continued generosity and compassion. Thank You that we live in a country where I can apply for government aid and receive free meals at soup kitchens. Thank You for this time of poverty, so that I will never again see poor people as “other.” Thank You for the innumerable blessings we have experienced as a result of this time without income.

Please break through my fog today, Abba. Set my heart ablaze for You. Open my eyes to see Your kingdom. Don’t let me stray from the 3 pillars of rejoicing always, praying continuously, and giving thanks in all things. Help me to love others as I love myself. Help me to be exploding with Your love for everyone, aware of Your presence, and speaking Your truth. Take over my body and speak through me if You have to. Bring spiritually healthy Discipline Junkies into my life so I can see how to do it and join in the community. Redeem my life, Abba. I beg You. Don’t let me waste any more of my precious time here on earth. Please have one of Your servants speak into my life TODAY. Send me a word that sets me on the path You have ordained for me, that sets my priorities straight, that gives me Your perspective on my day. And please do the same for my husband, so that we can walk hand-in-hand with confidence that we are living the life You would have us live.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!

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Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Titanic

Good morning, Abba!

You are. You absolutely are. I don’t understand Who or What You are completely or even close, but I know that You exist and one day I will see You. My little finite brain cannot come close to comprehending the magnitude of Who You are, but I know that You are absolutely jaw-droppingly awe-inspiring. If I could see You, my heart would all but stop beating, I’d be covered with goosebumps from toe to scalp, and I would be completely unable to speak. Even one of Your servants the angels would inspire the same response from me. You are just so Other. So beyond. So incomprehensible. Bigger, stronger, more radiant, more lovely, more majestic than I could ever imagine. And more loving and gracious than I could ever deserve.

I confess that I live my entire day without an awareness of this fact. I confess that while I intellectually “know” that the spiritual disciplines will bring me closer to the possibility of developing the ability to experience the spiritual realm–and that experience is the only thing that would really matter, since everything else is just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic–I still spend all my time on those deck chairs, fully caught up in the illusion of the importance of this world, neglecting to do the only things that could make my True Dreams, my deepest desires, a reality. I live as if this world matters and Heaven is just a fairy tale. I have become Robinson Crusoe, creating a comfortable life around me here on this island. Every day I forget why I’m here. I forget about Your children. I forget that they are lost and lonely and hopeless. If they were my children, I would not let rest come to my eyes before I found them and helped them reconcile. HOW do I offer them the ministry of reconciliation? What does that look like in real life? I confess that I think of “witnessing” in a pretty cheesy light. I am so not fulfilling Your commission to go into all the world preaching Your gospel. I want to, but I’m so ashamed of the way Your gospel has been polluted and misused and so many have been hurt by well-meaning Christians who butchered Your mission and Your children.

Thank You that You can work through all of that and already are. Thank You that You are bringing into my life spiritual directors who “get” it. Who aren’t caught up in the religiosity of it all but live to fulfill Your mission. Who can help guide me into that same life. Who can speak into my life and cut away the fat. Thank You for Your Word that does that every day, even though it has been so mistranslated and misinterpreted. Thank You for my family, my creative work, the opportunities I have, the freedom I enjoy every day, the salvation that gives me hope and comfort. Thank You for our church tribe, for Facebook, for who I’ve become and the groups You’ve given me to lead into restoration and healing and habilitation. Thank You for discipline and the power of incremental change.

Please set my heart on fire for You and restructure my priorities. Help me to see the highest and best and how to cut through the distractions and the superfluous and get the things done today that matter most. Please give me wisdom and surround me with wise friends and counselors. Open their mouths to speak truth into my life and help me see what I’m missing, where I’m missing the point and wasting my time and energy. Heal Ian’s heart and mind and create in him a powerful drive to produce great work that is both fulfilling and financially rewarding. Please increase our income so that we can not only meet our family’s needs, but have plenty to share with those in need and invest in those who have great ideas and work ethics but just need a little boost. Please make me an angel investor and a powerfully focused citizen of Heaven.

In Jesus’ name, Amen!

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From God’s P.O.V.

Abba, You did it! Of course You did! You are hilarious and perfect. Completely holy and true. Never ceasing, never resting, never giving up. You fill us up with Your love and energy and wait ever-so-patiently while we get distracted and wander off. You’re always waiting, always ready, always in love with us. Your love is stronger than any mistake or offense we could ever make, because Your perspective is so much higher. You’re above the labyrinth, with a full view of the beginning and the end and full awareness of our weaknesses and histories. You understand me a million times better than I could ever understand myself, and You judge none of it. You see Your own Son’s flawless record and personality when You look at me, and that is pure amazingness. You absolutely rock, and you rock my world.

I confess that I have not done a very good job with the little things, much less with this entire planet that You’ve entrusted to me. I confess that until extremely recently, I didn’t even realize or acknowledge that You’d even given me dominion over much of anything, much less this gorgeous incredible part of the galaxy. And I confess that I know very little about how to take care of it. I spent most of my time trying to figure out how to get more stuff or approval instead of taking care of what I already owned! I also confess that I’ve made a disaster of a lot of the hearts that were in my care, from my children to friends that I once knew. I confess that I’ve been ignoring or shrugging off the breadcrumbs instead of following them into the adventure You prepared for me.

THANK YOU that You continue to bless me anyway! Thank You for being patient and holding out and continuing to send me signals and messages and breadcrumbs. THANK YOU that the Internet is/was working this morning, so I may not have to go to Coffee Bean to send my video for the Art of Money Mastermind group this morning! (Though I’m still open to going, and the connection already dropped off again since I started writing this! ;)) THANK YOU for the changes and growth you’ve worked in me this summer, so that I’m now the kind of person who STARTS mastermind groups, let alone is capable of joining one and showing up for it. THANK YOU for the possibilities that this group makes possible, and for the financial healing and training on its way over this next month and year. SO exciting. Thank You for all the other people who will get to benefit from what I learn during the program and pass on. And THANK YOU for the fantastically delicious vision You gave me last night for how to tie so many of my desires together and take my girlfriends with me on a paid trip to Hawaii to bless our husbands, families, and wider audience with our training for + performance of The Hula Dolls. So ridiculously fun.

Please continue to strengthen the tribe around us, so that we have a place to clearly share our gifts and offer our friendship. Please continue to make me a great friend, like Jonathan was to David. Please help me organize my schedule to make room for all the important things, like training in parenting skills (so that I can help Elsie get through this rough time and back to a place of emotional strength), finishing my creative projects, keeping our household in order, AND finding a way to bring in some INCOME! :) You are amazing and perfect and I’m so thankful for this time we’ve had without income, so that we will appreciate it all the more and be able to minister to other income-less or just plain poor children of Yours. For we are ALL Your beloved children. Please give me Your eyes and heart as we head back to the Manna Room today to receive Your blessing and to offer Your love to the other wounded souls there.

In Jesus’ beautiful name I pray,

Amen! :

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Sucked Back into the Vortex——-Help!

Abba, Light, Love,

Good morning to the Maker of all this magic. You didn’t sleep a wink last night or ever, because You never need a pause. The everlasting Almighty Master Creator, infinitely beyond all I can comprehend or even imagine. Greater than all the galaxies combined. Your sense of humor is out of this world, and Your ability to see the best in everything is unlimited. There is nothing You can’t redeem, nothing You can’t use for Your own glory. You are busily setting everything right all the time, patiently and gently guiding the course of history and calling our hearts back to You.

I confess that my heart strays so far. I am an expert at image management. I spin everything to make myself look good, to make others look bad, to make life go the way I want it to. I play judge; I play God. And I am so infinitely far from being capable, qualified, or worthy of that position. Who am I? What do I know? Nothing! I confess that I let so many ridiculously less-wild and less-fulfilling lovers steal my attention away from You. I use food to numb the boredom I feel in my life instead of turning to You and allowing You to call me into Your grand adventure. I want to want You more. Above all. Fiercely. I confess that yesterday after I felt so ablaze for you, I checked my Facebook account and the news that the mastermind group wanted me to lead them completely sucked me back into that vortex. I confess that I don’t know how to balance my life in the world and my responsibilities there with my life lived for You and with You.

Thank You that You are not baffled by this problem. Thank You for Who You are in Your infinite wisdom. Thank You that You are guiding me, shaping me, and that You will continue the good work You’ve begun in me. Thank You for Your patience and love. Thank You for my amazing family. Thank You for smoothing things over with Gramma yesterday. Thank You for Your grace and mercy. Thank You for the Manna Room and the delicious free meals You provide for so many. Thank You for the help I know is coming for my husband and his struggles to get work and provide for our family. Thank You for Your infinite abundance available to us, and thank You that You are teaching us how to tap into that and stay connected to You as our Source. THANK YOU for the prayer time Linda and I are going to have this afternoon, and for Your incredible power coming into our lives to disrupt life-as-usual and set our life in a new Heaven-focused direction.

Please guide us in our businesses–what to do or even if to do them at all. They take up so much of our time and attention, so if they are unnecessary, please make that clear. And if there’s some way to make them more about You, please make that obvious also. Please give me wisdom as to how to connect with Elizabeth and parent her in a way that brings her to life and heals her pain and helps her to become all she can be. Please heal the brokenhearted all over the planet and awaken all hearts to do what needs to be done to speed the coming of Your Kingdom. May Your will be done today, Abba. And today, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasant to You, my Rock and my Redeemer. THANK YOU!

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On Fire for You and Your Kingdom

Abba, You’re all that matters. None of the rest of this is even real. It’s like a dream. But when we all wake up from this dream, You’ll be there waiting with open arms. You are infinitely loving and patient and kind. Fiercer than a thousand hurricanes, yet as gentle as a feather floating in silence. Every cell of my body screams your name. You energize me. You created energy! You are the author of brilliance, the artist who created beauty, the One who invented nature. You are above all and in all. In my heart, the air around me, the oxygen in my lungs. There is nowhere You are not, and nothing I can do to make You stop loving me. You just won’t ever go away. Somehow won’t ever get tired of me, no matter what I do or how I act or how bristly and irritable I am. You are simply amazing.

I confess that I live 99% of my day in complete ignorance of You. I get so caught up in the ridiculousness. I get petty and self-serving and try to manipulate everything so that I get more creature comforts and people like me more. Then I get disgusted with myself and spend even more time obsessing about myself. I think of You, praise You, and glorify You so very little. While my heart’s desire is to magnify you, my flesh is the one I feed the most, and it desires to magnify itself and belittle You. Horrors! I never want to belittle You! Take it away, Abba! Take this tendency away! I lay my flesh at Your feet. Kill it off! Be done with it! Don’t let me spend one more day in that horrible life. I confess my habit of image management, self-preservation, and trying hard to provide for myself and my family, obsessing about business and money instead of trusting You to guide us, or connecting with You so that I can access the limitless abundance that You are. Jesus didn’t try to create a new business in order to pay His taxes; You told Him where to find the money He needed.

THANK YOU that You have promised that if we confess our sins, You will forgive us and cleanse us from all corruption. Yes yes YES!!! Thank You for Your mercy and grace. Thank You for Your absolutely overflowing bottomless abundance available to us. Thank You for waking me up to the fact that I don’t have to work to earn it. Thank You that You will show me both how to connect to You and the highest & best use of my remaining time here on earth so that I don’t need to waste one more day. Thank you for my heart on fire for YOU and not just excited about some human plan I’ve concocted to promote myself. Thank you for my absolutely priceless family. Thank You for the opportunity to pray together. Thank You that we live in freedom in America. Thank You for Your Word and the Internet and free access to brilliant teachings and believers around the globe. Thank You that Your Kingdom is coming with power. Thank You for radical hope, not attached to the things of man, but holding out with confidence for what You have promised.

Please guide me in the best way to teach my children to glorify You and live for You and not get sucked into the world’s vortex. Please pull us out of the madness to teach us and train us and transform us, so that You can send us back in as Your avatars, filled with Your Spirit and performing Your will. Make us Your hands and feet. Please teach me the best practices to stay alert and oriented and focused on Your will and not my own. Please take the desire for my own self-serving (but cleverly disguised as others-serving) career away, and help me to notice right away when I’ve gotten sucked back into the world’s ever-so-tempting success vortex. Please send me a mentor/spiritual director who can speak directly into the specifics of my life. THANK YOU!!!

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