... of countless ways in which
Our Creator constantly romances us.
I lift Your name above all else this morning. You are the bright eternal sun, blazing gloriously even when we can’t see You because clouds of worry block Your light or the entire planet of our being has turned away from You. Yet You created us to continuously turn back toward You in cycles, even when our heart is tilted and bent towards turning and turning and turning forever. You are so much greater than any human cycle, even the ones lasting thousands and thousands of years. You are constant, ancient, and always. Your love is stronger than any other force in existence, and nothing can stop it. Despite the intensity and enormity of Your power and Your scope, You’re still fervently interested in the details of my life, and the state of my heart.
I confess that I’m still entertaining confusion about what to do with my life. Every time I wake up from wallowing in failure and futility and determine to scrape myself together and diligently work hard toward success, the contradictory religious voices rear up, accusing me of selfish ambition, lecturing me about focusing only on You and not worrying about “worldly success.” I’m still not clear on it all, and I don’t want to move forward on anything that would pull me away from you or my family duties or be a distraction. Yet I know You can’t have meant for me to stay in poverty on purpose.
Thank You that You will–in Your perfect timing–blast through all this nonsense for me. Thank You for sending Pastor Ed, a willing mentor who gives out his cell phone number and returns messages as quickly as he can. Thank You for Hope Hollywood and that whole family there. Thank You that You will show us how to fit ourselves in there and serve as much as possible. Thank You that Ian is already feeling drawn towards serving and cooking for the soup kitchen there. Thank You for my outrageously amazing children and that our marriage has bounced back through steady and serious prayer.
Abba, please send me a clear message about what the highest & best for me is at this point. There will be plenty of time for me to pursue all kinds of other things once the kids are grown, so I don’t want to waste these precious years on getting things out of order, but I also don’t want to put off any success that we could be enjoying together now. I would so love to be able to travel with the kids while they’re still young, and to just have a more open and flowing attitude and way of being. Help me to trust You more and to know that I can’t get in your way, or (if I can get in your way and stop you from blessing us) please show me how to get out of Your way!! 🙂 I love You, Abba. Thank You for everything, especially for prayer.
In Jesus’ name I pray, amen!
Thank You, Abba, for this golden day.
Thank You that I was up at 5 once again, even though I went to bed at midnight.
Thank You that I will get to make up for lost sleep with a beautiful NAP this afternoon. 😉
Thank You for Winston Churchill setting the example of great leadership through intentional napping.
Thank You for the excellent hangout time with true friends yesterday at the park, for our kids getting to truly play in nature while we got to have real conversation about dreams and passions and plans and books.
Thank You for waking me up from my deep rest slumber and giving me Chinese New Year’s as a way to still kickstart my year with a bang even though I’m getting a late start.
Thank You for the increasing clarity about my purpose and the new vision for Panda Journal (or something like it), where I can promote friends’ writings and pull it all together in one happy place.
Thank You for my fantastic Tribe of Girlfriends and the upcoming collage card party, where we can share inspiration, dream together, laugh, cry, celebrate, plan, wonder, create and collaborate.
Thank You so much for Ian taking Freedom with him on the drive to drop Ben off at school, so I could get a little more focused work time in. Thank You for Ben’s adorable school and that he has the opportunity to be a light there in those lives. Thank You for his wonderful teacher and all of his friends. Thank You for the “cool tools” they teach at that school, and for non-violent communication and mindfulness.
Thank You for prayer and gratitude and the power of love and the feeling of overwhelming Joy + Life bubbling in my heart right now. I could write gratitudes all day long, there are just so many things to thank You for.
And thank You for the breakthrough last night (even if it did require a bit of saké) to sweetness with Gramma last night, being able to say “thank you” to her and for her being able to actually hear and receive it.
Thank You for Ian’s enthusiasm and excitement, and for this season of hope.
Thank You for the fantastic trio so far of intentions & themes for 2015, beginning with PRAYER, dance in the middle, and finishing with permission to rock my marriage with training in tantra. This can only end in ridiculously fun adventure. You are worthy of every ounce of praise. I worship You. I adore You. Thank You.
In the name of Emmanuel I pray, amen!