... of countless ways in which
Our Creator constantly romances us.
I lift Your name above all else this morning. You are the bright eternal sun, blazing gloriously even when we can’t see You because clouds of worry block Your light or the entire planet of our being has turned away from You. Yet You created us to continuously turn back toward You in cycles, even when our heart is tilted and bent towards turning and turning and turning forever. You are so much greater than any human cycle, even the ones lasting thousands and thousands of years. You are constant, ancient, and always. Your love is stronger than any other force in existence, and nothing can stop it. Despite the intensity and enormity of Your power and Your scope, You’re still fervently interested in the details of my life, and the state of my heart.
I confess that I’m still entertaining confusion about what to do with my life. Every time I wake up from wallowing in failure and futility and determine to scrape myself together and diligently work hard toward success, the contradictory religious voices rear up, accusing me of selfish ambition, lecturing me about focusing only on You and not worrying about “worldly success.” I’m still not clear on it all, and I don’t want to move forward on anything that would pull me away from you or my family duties or be a distraction. Yet I know You can’t have meant for me to stay in poverty on purpose.
Thank You that You will–in Your perfect timing–blast through all this nonsense for me. Thank You for sending Pastor Ed, a willing mentor who gives out his cell phone number and returns messages as quickly as he can. Thank You for Hope Hollywood and that whole family there. Thank You that You will show us how to fit ourselves in there and serve as much as possible. Thank You that Ian is already feeling drawn towards serving and cooking for the soup kitchen there. Thank You for my outrageously amazing children and that our marriage has bounced back through steady and serious prayer.
Abba, please send me a clear message about what the highest & best for me is at this point. There will be plenty of time for me to pursue all kinds of other things once the kids are grown, so I don’t want to waste these precious years on getting things out of order, but I also don’t want to put off any success that we could be enjoying together now. I would so love to be able to travel with the kids while they’re still young, and to just have a more open and flowing attitude and way of being. Help me to trust You more and to know that I can’t get in your way, or (if I can get in your way and stop you from blessing us) please show me how to get out of Your way!! 🙂 I love You, Abba. Thank You for everything, especially for prayer.
In Jesus’ name I pray, amen!
Abba, thank You for the visceral picture You brought into my life this week with the concept of who’s on the throne of my heart. In Mike Evans’ Prayer Power and Purpose, he describes a pamphlet from the 60’s titled “The Four Spiritual Laws,” in which two diagrams show what life is like with Self on the throne of our hearts vs. Christ on the throne. I went online and found the images that go with it:
This hit me hard. That first diagram of Self on the throne just needs to be tweaked a bit to represent my life. The cross is actually inside the circle, along with all the other interests, and there are thousands more dots than the ones shown here. As Evans says in the book, the first diagram shows “all the little… dots representing the things in one’s life creating utter chaos.” Um, hello. This is your wake-up call. I’ve been feeling so very overwhelmed, frustrated, and chaotic lately. I know that I have too many interests and creative projects and that I can’t quite seem to get organized and caught up. But I still have the DESIRE to have YOU on the throne of my life. I don’t in any way want to be on the throne. I know very well that I’m not qualified for that job. I never meant to take over, and now I don’t know how to get You back on the throne!
Evans goes on to describe the second diagram “with all of the little… dots having straight lines radiating out from the center like rays emanating out from the sun as in a child’s drawing.” That sounds so beautiful. That’s what I want my life to feel like. I don’t want to be chaotically pursuing 10,000 interests and leaving You to be just one of my many hobbies!!! I want to be the sunshine radiating Your presence and having my interests ordered and directed by You!
Please show me what I need to do. I lay my life at Your feet. I humble myself completely. I step down off of that throne that I didn’t even realize I was sitting on, and I apologize profusely. Forgive me, for I knew not what I was doing. It was never my intention to dethrone You. I’m just a broken and confused human doing the best I know how to do. Please take the throne again. Order my interests the way You want them. I trust You completely. Thank You so so much for this lesson, and please show me how to keep You on the throne and keep my Self in check. I’ll be on the lookout for chaos (as a sign that my Self has once again claimed the throne) and expecting peace and harmony in its place. What a difference! I receive Your peace, and I trust that I’m in harmony with You now. Thank You!!!
In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.