... of countless ways in which
Our Creator constantly romances us.
You are the ocean in which I swim, the air I breathe, the only reason I’m alive. You are infinite and almighty, all-wise and all-knowing. You are literally more powerful than a hurricane swirling all around me. And more gentle than a newborn baby lamb. Your love never fails or stops or misses a beat. Your forgiveness is complete and final. Your patience is steady as a mountain, and your passion is more intense than the heat in the center of the sun.
I confess that I woke up with such tiny human thoughts, letting little matrix details get to me. Judging instead of blessing and praying for those who irritate me. I also confess that I am Your ambassador reporting for duty. Do with me as You will today, Abba. I release my goals and ideas to You. I am all Yours.
Thank You that Heaven is real, and that Eternal adventure is possible here on this planet. Thank You that we’re not sentenced to a lifetime of meaningless human activity, because we can plug into You and have our eyes opened to the incredible spiritual realities taking place right where we are. Thank You for my family, this home Gramma shares with us, and Your perfect provision for us this year. Thank You for grace.
Please lead me to a phenomenal dance teacher who can help to bring that gift out in me so I can worship You with my entire body. Please show me what You are up to today and use me in the spiritual adventure. Please make me the kind of woman You can do amazing things through because I’m so surrendered and tuned in to You. Please teach me how to hear Your voice and know You. Please give me grace today to submit to my husband and love him and our children unconditionally.
Thank You! In Jesus’ name, amen!
(Written January 20) This morning we finally have the long-awaited appointment to register for our third child’s birth certificate.
He was born at home more than eleven months ago, and when I called in September to schedule the appointment, this was the earliest slot available (or so they said–my inner conspiracy theorist assures me they were just punishing me for having an at-home birth, which creates more paperwork for them).
When I received the appointment notification in the mail, I once again went over all the documents required. After all, the top of the notification reads, “IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ALL THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS AT THE TIME OF YOUR APPOINTMENT, YOU WILL NOT BE SEEN AND WILL NEED TO RESCHEDULE YOUR APPOINTMENT.”
And we obviously wouldn’t be able to reschedule an appointment in time for his birthday in less than three weeks. If you don’t register within one year, a whole new Pandora’s box opens of new hoops you have to jump through in order to get the certificate.
But all the required documents were there waiting in my “Freedom’s Birth Certificate” file (the baby’s name is Freedom–click here to read the story of how he got his name). So I put the appointment on the calendar and tucked everything away again in the file.
Last night I pulled the file back out to make sure everything was still there, and I can’t seem to find the “physician’s signature” on the hospital paperwork that is (somewhat ridiculously) required in order to prove that my child was born alive.
I have a very clear memory of standing there in the clinic with my one month old baby and the list of things required to be on the form, checking them all off. And now somehow that one tiny but probably all-important detail is missing.
“Should there be any question of the documents provided the Registrar shall refer the case to the Los Angeles Public Health Investigations (PHI) Office.” I do NOT like the sound of that at all. It brings up images of moms who’ve had all three of their children taken away from them and placed in foster care because they were pursuing homeopathic remedies to their child’s eczema and were therefore charged with neglect.
So I need a miracle today.
I’ve received plenty of miracles in my lifetime. Just last night, in fact.
Our car wouldn’t start when it was time to drive home, and we remembered having been very low on gas but late for the party and not wanting to stop.
We waited until the host had gone inside, said a quick prayer together, and tried again.
It started instantly, and we drove straight to the gas station. Our car has had so many of these moments, we often refer to it as our Miracle Mobile.
And today, I need one of those moments again. The kind of thing Joel Osteen tells stories about.
But is that what God wants to do here? Or does God want me to stay present and breathe through it all and stay present through the whole process of having to go back down to the free clinic and get that doctor to actually SIGN the paperwork (!!!), then scheduling another appointment and paying whatever late fee is required for registering after the child’s first birthday…. ?
In this moment, I find myself liking Joel Osteen a lot more than Eckhart Tolle.
As I laid in bed during the night thinking about this, I knew that I’ve become a lot more responsible, organized, and sensible in the past 11 months. I’ve had to, as the mom of three children. This probably won’t happen again. So this is my one chance to handle it well.
I can’t force a miracle to happen, and I know better than to be attached to that outcome. The only way to stay peaceful is to be okay with whatever happens, to trust God and know that He is in charge whether or not things go “smoothly.”
How did I get here? Probably just another case of Mommy Brain. And what do I do now? The only thing I can do–take it one breath at a time, and follow wherever this path may lead. Wish me peace.
For the conclusion of this story, click here.