Tag Archives: depression

Golden Day Gratitudes

Thank You, Abba, for this golden day.

Thank You that I was up at 5 once again, even though I went to bed at midnight.

Thank You that I will get to make up for lost sleep with a beautiful NAP this afternoon. ūüėČ

Thank You for Winston Churchill setting the example of great leadership through intentional napping.

Thank You for the excellent hangout time with true friends yesterday at the park, for our kids getting to truly play in nature while we got to have real conversation about dreams and passions and plans and books.

Thank You for waking me up from my deep rest slumber and giving me Chinese New Year’s as a way to still kickstart my year with a bang even though I’m getting a late start.

Thank You for the increasing clarity about my purpose and the new vision for Panda Journal (or something like it), where I can promote friends’ writings and pull it all together in one happy place.

Thank You for my fantastic Tribe of Girlfriends and the upcoming collage card party, where we can share inspiration, dream together, laugh, cry, celebrate, plan, wonder, create and collaborate.

Thank You so much for Ian taking Freedom with him on the drive to drop Ben off at school, so I could get a little more focused work time in. Thank You for Ben’s adorable school and that he has the opportunity to be a light there in those lives. Thank You for his wonderful teacher and all of his friends. Thank You for the “cool tools” they teach at that school, and for non-violent communication and mindfulness.

Thank You for prayer and gratitude and the power of love and the feeling of overwhelming Joy + Life bubbling in my heart right now. I could write gratitudes all day long, there are just so many things to thank You for.

And thank You for the breakthrough last night (even if it did require a bit of sak√©) to sweetness with Gramma last night, being able to say “thank you” to her and for her being able to actually hear and receive it.

Thank You for Ian’s enthusiasm and excitement, and for this season of hope.

Thank You for the fantastic trio so far of intentions & themes for 2015, beginning with PRAYER, dance in the middle, and finishing with permission to rock my marriage with training in tantra. This can only end in ridiculously fun adventure. You are worthy of every ounce of praise. I worship You. I adore You. Thank You.

In the name of Emmanuel I pray, amen!

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Confessions of a Neglectful Wife

Abba,

You are the Creator of the Universe. The Original. The Alpha Species. The Force holding everything together and/or the Inventor of that Force. You are unfathomable to our immensely¬†complex yet limited human minds. Your love is more fierce than a hurricane, more powerful than an atom bomb. You are absolutely complete and lacking nothing, and You see only good and wholeness in us when we’re covered with Christ. You keep us safe in the shadow of Your wings and You oversee every detail of life, shaping events to bring about just exactly the experience You want for us. You’re infinitely patient, kind, generous, faithful, joyful, steady, luxurious, gentle, and wise. You’re constantly inventing new ways to show us You love us and invite us to join You in praise and wonder.

I confess that I am still not putting You first and my husband second. I don’t even have any idea how to do that! It’s so normal to put the kids first, myself second, and You & Ian compete for third. But I’m trusting that You’ll show me how to do things differently. I also confess that I’ve not been taking great care of this incredible vehicle You’ve given me, and I’ve allowed my body to get out of shape, sore from too little movement, un-exercised and over-indulged with sweets and snacks. I also confess that I’ve not been praising You, and I’ve allowed meaningless drivel to dominate my mind by not purposely seeking out music that directs my mind toward beautiful and eternal things.

Thank You for this life. Thank You for lifting me up out of the depths of depression once¬†again. Thank You for my adorable family and all the provisions You’ve made available to us. Thank You that You cause the sun to shine upon the righteous and the unrighteous, and that it is You who work in us both to will and to do Your good pleasure. Thank You for inviting me into a life of prayer and showing me how powerful it can be in making changes in my children’s lives and in my marriage. Thank You for opportunities to shine Your light to a dark and hungry world. Thank You for our sweet community of poor and lonely souls at the Manna Room. Thank You for Your power to melt a stony heart and make me love my husband once again. Thank You for showing me that putting the kids before him was not the right path, and providing the prayers to help me turn that habit around.

Please awaken my soul today. Remind me that I’m Your Ambassador and open my ears to hear the Holy Spirit instructing me exactly what that means and can look like in my life. Remove everything in me that’s not from You. Dissolve any blocks preventing me from knowing You completely. Please provide excellent role models for me to emulate, and training in spiritual disciplines and knowledge of eternal truths. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit until I overflow with Your goodness. Keep my spirit in awe of Your majesty and wonder, even as I spend my day amidst the mundane and very human details of fixing shelves and working at Ben’s school. Please give me unconditional love for my husband and change my mind to find him irresistibly attractive. Also please make it crystal clear whether or not the event tonight is worth going to or better to leave off the calendar. And finally, please give me wisdom about how to lead Elsa toward becoming the fully alive, vibrant, and industrious¬†girl You created her to be. Thank You!

In the sweet name of Emmanuel I pray, amen.

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The Most Powerful Purpose You Could Ever Have

I’d been suffering through a low-grade semi-depression for a few weeks (pretty much since New Year’s Day), partly from not having a clearly defined purpose or goal to work towards, and partly from our family’s new schedule not allowing me much time to meditate, journal about,¬†or work towards any goal I might choose.

Then yesterday that depression came to a head when the one goal I had chosen was suddenly squashed by a conversation I had with my husband.

Suddenly I was left adrift, floating aimlessly, feeling very un-driven and purposeless. Not a very all-American feeling.

And right at the very end of the day, as I was tucking myself into bed early, I picked up my journal to scrawl a few ridiculous lines about how I was so depressed I was practically suicidal (in the sense of wanting this all to just end already so we could all go straight to Heaven).

But the odd thing was that what came to mind was that now my only purpose, goal, and intention for this year was PRAYER.

And with that realization came a flood of hope and power.

I’m really going to dedicate this entire year to the practice of prayer???

What?!?! This is going to be the most ridiculously powerful year ever!!!

And so it begins. The best purpose ever.

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