Tag Archives: focus

God of Ultimate Wisdom, Worthy of Radical Trust

Abba, You are faultless. What looks like unanswered prayers can only ever be a faulty perspective on our end. You work things out for the best. Always. You don’t make mistakes. We can completely trust Your decisions and the way things turn out and know that if it IS, it must be what’s best. You aren’t impersonal, but deeply involved in our emotions and our experience. You so want us to trust You and be content and at peace. That’s why You offer us Your Word and urge us to give thanks in all things. You promise to keep us in perfect peace when we put our trust in You. You are the author of that perfect peace, ready to wrap that warm blanket around us the moment we turn to You.

I confess that I let myself get emotionally caught up in the upheaval yesterday. I confess that I thought about little else but myself all day, wallowing in the sadness of letting my boy go off into the world to school. I confess inherent racism still present in me, which I absolutely hate, but cannot deny. I still am much more comfortable sticking to familiar faces and I haven’t gone out of my way to befriend many African Americans at the Manna Room.

Thank You for bringing this to my attention, and thank You for the book of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s speeches. I am so enjoying those! Thank You for whatever reason You have for making me so attracted to those! Thank You for my new girlfriends in life and online who are ready and willing to collaborate and create unimaginable new futures together. Thank You for our great walk + conversation last night and that my husband and I are both being drawn to Appreciation over achievement and Presence over productivity.

Please keep that theme heavy and large in our lives today. Give me wisdom and Presence as I head into lunch with my two fantastic girlfriends who are very much not Believers, and whose priorities are therefore skewed. Help me to stay aware of You and Your goals for these precious women, and to be the Presence of the Kingdom, an Ambassador bringing the reality of Heaven to earth. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit so I can minister peace + reconciliation! And bless the work of our hands as we write together, if this story is something You want written through us. Thank You for their friendship and for bringing me this focus! Help me to remember that I’m headed out into the world today, bringing light with me, and that I need to Expect Opposition, Recognize Opposition, and Neutralize Opposition. May I end this day feeling deep gratitude and satisfaction.

In Jesus’ mighty name I pray, amen!

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Overwhelmed with Blessings

Abba, You are incredible! You are so so kind to me. You have showered me with so many blessings this past week, it’s absurd. You find those little ways to let me know You’re thinking of me, little breadcrumbs along the trail to remind me of You. You are endlessly romantic and sweet. You personalize the gifts too, so I know it’s not just the abundance of the Universe, but a specific gift from You to me. You are generous and hard-working and never rest or stop loving us. You enjoy providing for us and giving us good gifts. You provide for all our needs and then some. You have given me so so much. You are the Creator and sustainer. The builder and the maintenance man. The inventor and the mechanic. You are outrageously brilliant and spectacularly loving. I adore You.

I confess that I am still so apathetic. I let vast quantities of beauty┬ápass completely unnoticed. I confess that I still tend towards befriending the attractive and ignoring the marginalized. I do not go out of my way to seek out those who most need affection and attention. I don’t even think about them most of the time. I am Your willing handmaiden, ready and wanting to serve You and live Your purposes, yet busily scurrying about with my own agenda instead of sitting at Your feet until You send me. And I confess that I am still seriously neglecting the disciplines that would get me to Your feet and enable me to hear Your voice.

Thank You so much for that sermon yesterday, which was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Expect tension! Nothing good is ever brought into the world without facing Opposition. So true! And Thank You so so so so so so much for our new second church, Hope Hollywood. What an incredible group of loving people! I loved the atmosphere and the energy there so much. I am so grateful to have a second family and a place to serve and share. Thank You for all the incredible blessings You sent our way last week, from the free high chair and stroller to all the free food! I am overwhelmed. Thank You for our fun group of friends and for life just as it is right now. Thank You that Ben got accepted to his new school and that our life is changing so much in so many beautiful ways. Thank You for the 717 Days project and how powerful that will be!

Please give us wisdom and grace as we enter this new day, new week, new schedule. Bless our minds and our hands to be about Your business and see priorities clearly. Please don’t let us get sidetracked with things that are unessential to Your purpose. Teach us to focus. Speak clearly to us and nudge us onto the right path again when we stray. Keep our minds alert to the spirit world. Keep bringing us back over and over. Please give us favor and streamline our work so that we can accomplish much in little time. Also give us wisdom about delegating and building a support team. Thank You that You will show us how to get more willing hands involved in what You give us to do.

In Jesus’ perfect name I pray, amen!

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Desperately Seeking Spiritual Direction

Abba, You are more than capable of directing our paths and guiding us exactly where we need to be, where we can best serve You. You are bigger than any of our earthly plotting. You love us even when we “waste” our time and flutter about on distractions and nonsense. You are the God of the Universe, the Creator of all things, the bright morning star, the Alpha and Omega, the massive Alpha species, the First Cause, the Source, the Author, the One Who knows all and loves all. You are all that matters. Your goals are the ONLY goals worth pursuing. You love us completely and unconditionally and forgive completely and wait patiently for us to come around. You are infinitely wise and kind and gentle. You are a raging hurricane and a quiet whisper.

I confess that I am consumed with confusion and battling contradictions. I suppose I’m focused more on my own focus than I am on You, and perhaps that’s the problem. I am so easily sucked into the world’s ideas of success, and I rationalize that if I were to achieve that success, it would “help” so many people. But would it? Or would it just be adding to Vanity Fair? I confess that I am still attracted to Vanity Fair. Driving home last night with the radio on a worldly song, with all the lights on at the boutiques and restaurants, I just wanted to be a part of the world. I wanted to lose myself in a consumer binge. It’s so flashy and pretty and “fun.” Yet so empty and void of meaning. I confess that I get very confused by the concepts of beauty and aesthetics and it gets all blurred up.

THANK YOU for my fantastic Facebook group that I’m able to reach out to whenever I’m feeling depressed. Thank You for how quick they were to respond yesterday, and for how turned around I already felt just by ending my post with the things I’m grateful for. Thank You for Ben’s schooling coming next week. Thank You for the changes this is bringing to our family. Thank You for Ben’s new friends. Thank You for how raw this all makes me emotionally. I am SO happy for him, and so happy for all that it will bring, yet every time I think about it I start to cry huge tears again. I’m going to miss that little man so much.

Please bring me the wisdom of how to handle my emotions without making a scene when I drop him off at his first day next week. I confess that I’m terrified that I’m going to embarrass him. Please help me to learn a super crash-course in Emotional Intelligence. If they have Anger Management, why not Sadness Management? Please guide me into exactly what I need to be doing in order to ACTUALLY help the people You’ve sent me to help. Please help me to love You and only You and to hate the world, which is still so attractive to me. Please help me to see the world as Jesus sees the world, to have spiritual vision and to see right through the illusions and the bright shiny packaging. Help me to recognize true Light so I can recognize the darkness. That would be such a big change in my life!!! Thank You that You hear our prayers, even when we don’t pray correctly. Thank You for You and for this magnificent Life. I so want to get it right and please You! I hunger and thirst for righteousness! Please fill me as I release the rest of me to Your care.

In Jesus’ righteous name I pray, amen!

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