Tag Archives: music

Confessions of a Neglectful Wife

Abba,

You are the Creator of the Universe. The Original. The Alpha Species. The Force holding everything together and/or the Inventor of that Force. You are unfathomable to our immensely complex yet limited human minds. Your love is more fierce than a hurricane, more powerful than an atom bomb. You are absolutely complete and lacking nothing, and You see only good and wholeness in us when we’re covered with Christ. You keep us safe in the shadow of Your wings and You oversee every detail of life, shaping events to bring about just exactly the experience You want for us. You’re infinitely patient, kind, generous, faithful, joyful, steady, luxurious, gentle, and wise. You’re constantly inventing new ways to show us You love us and invite us to join You in praise and wonder.

I confess that I am still not putting You first and my husband second. I don’t even have any idea how to do that! It’s so normal to put the kids first, myself second, and You & Ian compete for third. But I’m trusting that You’ll show me how to do things differently. I also confess that I’ve not been taking great care of this incredible vehicle You’ve given me, and I’ve allowed my body to get out of shape, sore from too little movement, un-exercised and over-indulged with sweets and snacks. I also confess that I’ve not been praising You, and I’ve allowed meaningless drivel to dominate my mind by not purposely seeking out music that directs my mind toward beautiful and eternal things.

Thank You for this life. Thank You for lifting me up out of the depths of depression once again. Thank You for my adorable family and all the provisions You’ve made available to us. Thank You that You cause the sun to shine upon the righteous and the unrighteous, and that it is You who work in us both to will and to do Your good pleasure. Thank You for inviting me into a life of prayer and showing me how powerful it can be in making changes in my children’s lives and in my marriage. Thank You for opportunities to shine Your light to a dark and hungry world. Thank You for our sweet community of poor and lonely souls at the Manna Room. Thank You for Your power to melt a stony heart and make me love my husband once again. Thank You for showing me that putting the kids before him was not the right path, and providing the prayers to help me turn that habit around.

Please awaken my soul today. Remind me that I’m Your Ambassador and open my ears to hear the Holy Spirit instructing me exactly what that means and can look like in my life. Remove everything in me that’s not from You. Dissolve any blocks preventing me from knowing You completely. Please provide excellent role models for me to emulate, and training in spiritual disciplines and knowledge of eternal truths. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit until I overflow with Your goodness. Keep my spirit in awe of Your majesty and wonder, even as I spend my day amidst the mundane and very human details of fixing shelves and working at Ben’s school. Please give me unconditional love for my husband and change my mind to find him irresistibly attractive. Also please make it crystal clear whether or not the event tonight is worth going to or better to leave off the calendar. And finally, please give me wisdom about how to lead Elsa toward becoming the fully alive, vibrant, and industrious girl You created her to be. Thank You!

In the sweet name of Emmanuel I pray, amen.

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Please Let This Radical Gratitude Spread!

Abba, You invented Thanksgiving. You are radical Gratitude. You rejoice always, are always in communion with yourself (and therefore The Good and Beautiful), and are thankful in all circumstances. And You desire that same experience for us! What a beautiful plan You created!

I confess that I’m not always joyful, that I frequently find fault with life and with people (including myself), I rarely remember to pray (much less continuously!), and I don’t give thanks in circumstances that feel frustrating or annoying.

But I THANK YOU that I am becoming more and more grateful, and that my current life circumstances haven’t gotten the best of me. Thank You for working in me both to WANT to be more thankful, and to actually become so. Thank You for how utterly grateful I feel (in comparison to my old self or anyone else I’ve ever met), and for the miracles required to get me here. Thank You for this week of Thanksgiving.

I pray that every person on this planet would get to experience–even if it’s just for a few minutes–how I feel right now. I pray that the veil of complacency or complaining would be lifted from their eyes and they would be able to see how amazing their life is, and feel truly grateful for all that they have. I also pray that You would lead our little family into worship, and help us find ways to turn the pop music the kids love into worship, so that the words running through our minds would lift our thoughts to You and Your Kingdom. Thank You! Also please continue re-shaping me so that even my husband’s impishness would be adorable to me, or at least an obvious opportunity for me to practice radical gratitude. 😉

In Jesus’ perfect name I pray, amen!

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