Notice the Stream

... of countless ways in which
Our Creator constantly romances us.

Confessions of a Neglectful Wife

Abba,

You are the Creator of the Universe. The Original. The Alpha Species. The Force holding everything together and/or the Inventor of that Force. You are unfathomable to our immensely complex yet limited human minds. Your love is more fierce than a hurricane, more powerful than an atom bomb. You are absolutely complete and lacking nothing, and You see only good and wholeness in us when we’re covered with Christ. You keep us safe in the shadow of Your wings and You oversee every detail of life, shaping events to bring about just exactly the experience You want for us. You’re infinitely patient, kind, generous, faithful, joyful, steady, luxurious, gentle, and wise. You’re constantly inventing new ways to show us You love us and invite us to join You in praise and wonder.

I confess that I am still not putting You first and my husband second. I don’t even have any idea how to do that! It’s so normal to put the kids first, myself second, and You & Ian compete for third. But I’m trusting that You’ll show me how to do things differently. I also confess that I’ve not been taking great care of this incredible vehicle You’ve given me, and I’ve allowed my body to get out of shape, sore from too little movement, un-exercised and over-indulged with sweets and snacks. I also confess that I’ve not been praising You, and I’ve allowed meaningless drivel to dominate my mind by not purposely seeking out music that directs my mind toward beautiful and eternal things.

Thank You for this life. Thank You for lifting me up out of the depths of depression once again. Thank You for my adorable family and all the provisions You’ve made available to us. Thank You that You cause the sun to shine upon the righteous and the unrighteous, and that it is You who work in us both to will and to do Your good pleasure. Thank You for inviting me into a life of prayer and showing me how powerful it can be in making changes in my children’s lives and in my marriage. Thank You for opportunities to shine Your light to a dark and hungry world. Thank You for our sweet community of poor and lonely souls at the Manna Room. Thank You for Your power to melt a stony heart and make me love my husband once again. Thank You for showing me that putting the kids before him was not the right path, and providing the prayers to help me turn that habit around.

Please awaken my soul today. Remind me that I’m Your Ambassador and open my ears to hear the Holy Spirit instructing me exactly what that means and can look like in my life. Remove everything in me that’s not from You. Dissolve any blocks preventing me from knowing You completely. Please provide excellent role models for me to emulate, and training in spiritual disciplines and knowledge of eternal truths. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit until I overflow with Your goodness. Keep my spirit in awe of Your majesty and wonder, even as I spend my day amidst the mundane and very human details of fixing shelves and working at Ben’s school. Please give me unconditional love for my husband and change my mind to find him irresistibly attractive. Also please make it crystal clear whether or not the event tonight is worth going to or better to leave off the calendar. And finally, please give me wisdom about how to lead Elsa toward becoming the fully alive, vibrant, and industrious girl You created her to be. Thank You!

In the sweet name of Emmanuel I pray, amen.

The Cure for Chaos

Abba, thank You for the visceral picture You brought into my life this week with the concept of who’s on the throne of my heart. In Mike Evans’ Prayer Power and Purpose, he describes a pamphlet from the 60’s titled “The Four Spiritual Laws,” in which two diagrams show what life is like with Self on the throne of our hearts vs. Christ on the throne. I went online and found the images that go with it:

This hit me hard. That first diagram of Self on the throne just needs to be tweaked a bit to represent my life. The cross is actually inside the circle, along with all the other interests, and there are thousands more dots than the ones shown here. As Evans says in the book, the first diagram shows “all the little… dots representing the things in one’s life creating utter chaos.” Um, hello. This is your wake-up call. I’ve been feeling so very overwhelmed, frustrated, and chaotic lately. I know that I have too many interests and creative projects and that I can’t quite seem to get organized and caught up. But I still have the DESIRE to have YOU on the throne of my life. I don’t in any way want to be on the throne. I know very well that I’m not qualified for that job. I never meant to take over, and now I don’t know how to get You back on the throne!

Evans goes on to describe the second diagram “with all of the little… dots having straight lines radiating out from the center like rays emanating out from the sun as in a child’s drawing.” That sounds so beautiful. That’s what I want my life to feel like. I don’t want to be chaotically pursuing 10,000 interests and leaving You to be just one of my many hobbies!!! I want to be the sunshine radiating Your presence and having my interests ordered and directed by You!

Please show me what I need to do. I lay my life at Your feet. I humble myself completely. I step down off of that throne that I didn’t even realize I was sitting on, and I apologize profusely. Forgive me, for I knew not what I was doing. It was never my intention to dethrone You. I’m just a broken and confused human doing the best I know how to do. Please take the throne again. Order my interests the way You want them. I trust You completely. Thank You so so much for this lesson, and please show me how to keep You on the throne and keep my Self in check. I’ll be on the lookout for chaos (as a sign that my Self has once again claimed the throne) and expecting peace and harmony in its place. What a difference! I receive Your peace, and I trust that I’m in harmony with You now. Thank You!!!

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.